Newletter 31-05-20 and the odd Joke…

Good Morning,

I hope you’re all well and enjoying this amazing weather. Sorry, but I really would like some RAIN!! Every evening it’s taking me ages to water the vegetables, AND the lawn is slowly disappearing!! I’ve got Green Thumb coming soon, and they’ll be telling me I need to put the sprinklers on!!

Any gossip?? Been anywhere nice? Any good takeaways? Any jokes? Quizzes?

We went to Yarmouth one day last week. Exciting eh? It was like a ghost town! No ferries running, no shops, no Post Office, hardly any people!! There we were sitting on a bench drinking coffee, and the only two people in Yarmouth walked right next to us!!! What is wrong with some people?? We wrongly assumed they would walk around the bench!!!

Thank you to all those who have left square pots in my drive!! I do have a few plants for sale if anyone is interested.

Chilli Plants … Demon Red …. HOT      8

                     ….Habanero Orange ..FIERY HOT    6

                     ….Serrano Tampigueno …..HOT     3

Sweet Pepper…..  Poupila    6

ONLY 50p EACH.. they are quite small but good little plants! They will need some tender caring!!!

First come first served!! Call me :  07890265946


I hope all the plants you’ve bought are growing well? 

Last night the Committee had it’s first ZOOM meeting. You know what, I never realised what a beautiful / handsome group of people we are!! I was tempted to iron my first shirt in 12 weeks, but changed my mind. It was quite an experience!! Well run by Steve Morris and we all behaved and listened to each other!! We needed a break to refill our water glasses, but it was a good meeting. I’m already looking forward to our next one!!  (How sad am I? )

Brian Knowles is typing up the minutes at this moment, so I’m sure you will hear what was decided very soon!!

Last Thursday night, Sylv and I sat in the garden at 9.30 pm to see the Space Station go over and at 9.50 pm the American Rocket to go over!!! I promise you I only had one can of Magners, but what rocket?? It wasn’t even bloody dark!! NOTHING !!! I looked on my phone to check timings, only to read it had been cancelled due to poor weather !!! Now I’ve got to drink another Magners tonight !!! So if you’re not busy, TONIGHT at 8.40 pm look towards the SOUTH WEST and you’ll see ACTION !! At 10.15 pm a bloody great rocket will fly over your garden !!! If it’s cancelled again, I’ll light another fire and let off a couple of fireworks !!!

Heh, next week we are inviting people into our back garden!! Yippee!! Frustrating not being able to see children and grandchildren, but we are all in that position!! Until we can stay over, can’t really travel 4/5 hours each way, not be able to cuddle anyone. Still, ONE DAY !!

FOOTBALL is on it’s way back!!! YIPPEE !! I’ll be watching 4 or 5 live games a day for 5 weeks !!! Mind you, Sky Sports are meant to arriving here on June 9th to install a new SKYQ box! Will I let a stranger into my house!! What if he touches something he shouldn’t And if he wears a mask, it could be Steve Lewis in disguise!!!

Bloody typical that everything breaks down when you can’t get any help!!

1)  The first week the grill on the oven packed up!!

2)   Our new front door will hardly lock!! It takes ages to lock, although I now have a technique! A lot of swearing does help!

3)   A leak in downstairs toilet … stopcock turned off, so just out of action!

4)   Think I’ve killed the Sky remote!!! If I had some nails it would be easier, but again a good swear helps!!!

5)   Last night I dropped my glasses and a lens fell out!! Could be a Jack Duckworth Sellotape job!!

ANYWAY, you know me …. never one to complain!!

A BIG THANK YOU to Jo Gibson for this weeks quiz! I’ve seen it before, can do a couple, but it’s a challenge!! 

A big THANK YOU to John Abrook and Liz Barsdell for the Quizzes they sent me. Watch this space!

NOW THE MOMENT YOU’VE BEEN WAITING FOR …. no, not the end !!! JOKES !!!!

When I was a young boy my father sat me on his lap and said, “Son …. someday we’ll have 2 chairs!”

My wife and I have been happily married for 2 years …. 1997 and 2018

Man shot 200 times with upholstery gun. Surgeons revealed he is now fully recovered!!

Leaving out full stops isn’t exactly a crime, but it can lead to a very long sentence!!!

Got a great new pen …. it can write underwater! It can also write other words as well!

I hate people who use big words just to make themselves look perspicacious!

You can’t lose a ” homing pigeon”. If you’re “homing pigeon” doesn’t come back, then what you’ve lost is a “pigeon”! 

I said to my wife, “People keep accidently asking me to buy meat for them” She said, “By mistake?” I said, “Oh, no way, not you as well!”

That’s it …. enjoy tackling Jo’s Quiz !! Oh, I forgot to say   WELL DONE MARGARET RYLANDS for completing both Dingbat Quizzes before I’d sent them out!! Not quite, but she e-mailed the answers, ALL correct in a very short time!!! Think Jo’s Quiz will be a bit more difficult!!

In the next week or so we might meet down the green. Take care and stay safe. Keep on talking to each other and looking out for each other.



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